I’d wasted the whole day in a deep, personal rut; the kind where the waters swirl muddy but you’re not sure why. You just feel that all is not right when you step outside of yourself and look back – if you could just figure out what “it” is that has captured your spark, stolen your smile, you could start back down a productive path.
But that was the problem: I had everything to be thankful for; every reason to be happy. I couldn’t justify the turmoil. Sure, the day started out with a minor “disturbance” between me and my husband, but he’d even called later in the morning to apologize, and all was well again. There was no reason for my selfish frustrations or my calling out to God to make the good better!
Still I went about my day unsettled. I muttered my thanks for the many reasons to celebrate, and good things are happening. So how could I be so selfish as to want more of them and to come at me faster and in bigger, brighter packages?
The late afternoon would find me sitting in the bank setting up a new personal account.
“What kind of account are we setting up for you today?” the 20-something bank clerk asks.
“Well, I’m an author and freelance writer, so it’s sort of a business account,” I smile noticing the few photos sprinkled about her work space.
“Aaww, is that your son?” I ask the obvious – he looked exactly like her.
“Yes,” she filled with mother’s pride, but the smile quickly faded.
“He’ll be 3 soon - and I’m missing it. I have to work, you know?” she shrugs.
photo © 2006 Jaine | more info (via: Wylio)
Conviction poured over me like those muddy waters and I realized it instantly as God’s gentle correction. He reminded me of sweet afternoons with my little ones spent with bare feet in the garden, and the blanket spread in the shade of the old tree in the corner with chocolate pudding spread across baby-teeth smiles, and pointing out shapes and colors in board books, and blowing bubbles for the dog to chase, and pudgy baby hands holding perfect bouquets, and the little boy now a man and the little girl with honey-colored hair who still gives the best hugs. He reminds me of the full freezer and pantry, the home intact while others in our country suffer loss too great for words, His countless blessings wrapped up in every single day….and I melt inside.
His grace is sufficient, and I should never forget
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9) NIV